Anxious? You? Succumb to the Inner Smile

You can't worry and smile at the same time.  Try it.  First, smile.  Now, think of one of the typical worrysome or anxiety-provoking thoughts that messes with your self-esteem and sense of everything being all right.  For me, today, it's, "What was I thinking when I signed my toddler up for swimming lessons--I should have known his nap time would inevitably be a conflict." 

(Taking. A lot of.  Effort.  To feel that.  Anxious thought.  And smile.  I'm not succeeding. My smile melts into a grimace when I get close.)

But, I'm not talking about that kind of smiling.  I'm talking about a teeny-tiny, personal, private smile called the Inner Smile.  It's as effective--no, to be honest, I suspect it's more effective than an outright grin.  I think the Inner Smile is more authentic.

"In ancient China, the Taoists taught that a constant inner smile, a smile to oneself, insured health, happiness and longevity.  Why?  Smiling to yourself is like basking in love: you become your own best friend.  Living with an inner smile is to live in harmony with yourself."
-  Mantak Chia

Nobody is losing weight by reading blogs about losing weight.  (Not me, at least.)  Action is required of us.  You can't read a self-improvement blog and improve yourself by reading alone.  Action is required.

The Inner Smile is an action you can take.  Even if this is an action imperceptible to others, the Inner Smile, it's not to be underestimated--it's actually ancient, powerful stuff.  (I learned about the Inner Smile back in 1995 during a class on eastern perspectives in health at San Francisco State University.) 

Here's how to create the Inner Smile:  

1.  Let your mouth be very lightly closed 

2. Exhale through your nose

3.  Let the corners of your mouth curl up very slightly into an almost-smile

You should feel your eyes soften immediately, and perhpas your upper eyelid will lower just slightly--that bodily reaction is the indicator that you you've gotten the smile right!  You may also notice that you've become aware of your breathing, that you're exhaling deeply all of a sudden. These two aspects will cause you to feel very relaxed.

“ Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”
-  Thich Nhat Hanh 

The "inner" part of the Inner Smile has to do with the way your system, your body, is reacting to this relaxation-inducing smile. Your breathing is steady.  Your worries have no room. Your calm. Your content.   

The next time your brain gets to worrying, whether it's right when you wake up in the morning, or just Sunday morning, on your drive to work, or prior to a difficult conversation--engage your Inner Smile and carve out some peace for yourself.  It's quick.  It's simple.  And effective. 

In the long run, the more often your body experiences calm, it will crave it. Just because you grew up with anxiety and cortisol running through your body, doesn't mean you can't train it to love the opposite! 

There's a lot more to know about the Inner Smile, of course.  If you want to read further and investigate the eastern philosophies and practices that accompany it, there's this article from Caroline Robertson, who practices in Australia and claims to have previously suffered from a case of "over seriousness" in life.  This one describes an Inner Smile meditation practice, which you could record and listen to while trying it out.  Or print out and refer to.  Or have a really patient person read to you (soon enough our computers will read to us).  This one's a more detailed, Toaist description of how to create the Inner Smile than my adaptation outlined for you above.  (Step 3, where you hold the tip of your tongue  on the roof of your mouth is a great way to focus your body and mind. It's a must if you're using this in a meditative way.) 

Are you smiling?

ae

Comments

[Carmela D'Amico]

Thank you, Amy, for sharing this. Because we "grew up with anxiety and cortisol running through our bodies" as you say, re-training our minds and bodies to know how to relax is key to our recovery. Our muscles, as well as our minds, have a memory.

I've been doing yoga for almost 20 years, with varying consistency. The deeper I go in my practice, the deeper my emotional healing is. I'm able to access and confront parts of my psyche that were blocked to me before.

Just this last year, I started doing deep, prolonged stretches to my shoulders every morning...you wouldn't believe what this has brought up for me! I carried so much of my tension growing up in my shoulders, and as I slowly retrain those muscles to relax, old patterns and memories come up that are often difficult to deal with. But the point is, I'm being given the opportunity to deal with those, and the opportunity to heal from them.

I think all adult children of alcoholics can benefit from some kind of mind body relaxation technique.

I love your blog SO much...I always come away from it feeling not so all alone. Your blog helps me cultivate my inner smile as much as yoga does. :)

[amy eden]

Thanks! I love how simple it is, and how sly and secret it is, too!
a

[Michelle]

I LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing it. I really will use this when worry or fear overcomes me.